Venting

I feel so darn sad at this very moment.... Tears are simply clouding my eyes. Nothing brings me more joy then to be included in my children's lives. Only God knows how significant these little gestures mean to me. If the children are getting together is it too much to ask to be included? Instead, I'm an after thought. I just want to go away for a long time and maybe be missed a little. Whenever there's been a need for me, I come through. Children have   a short term memory. They can be thoughtless, hurtful and unkind.

What should I do with my sad little heart today? I feel so sad I want to go to bed. God give me the strength to go to church at 5. I need to feel alive. I feel so darn sad. I have two sons. I don't hear from  too often. I wonder what I have done wrong... Is this normal? Am I too sensitive? My personal life needs adjustments. My husband and I have communication issues. I say what I feel and do what I say... He is a contradiction to what he thinks, feels and does.When I inquire about certain things, he doesn't give an honest response. He says one thing, means another, does another and means the other. I can't keep up!!! What's the truth?!!!!! Is he hiding an ugly truth that contradicts his projected charecter. It's too difficult to try and convince people you are this way and then act a different way. Too much work. Eventually all that contradiction comes to a head.

I must say, that all that I wrote here has since improved by the grace of God, I've been able to reach my balance and find my happy place with all the people I've mentioned. Thank God for his loving mercy and grace. This blog was written in two separate dates. Today I enjoy a better communication with my husband and improved my communications with my children. My life is back on track with those that I love most in my life.

Healing From Our Childhood

Childhood is a time when children learn to respect positional authority.They learn about honor, integrity and faith in the living God. Its a time of positive experiences and joys. Parents encouraging the natural curiosity and wonder in all things with their children. Its a time when parents choose to nurture and love their children enough to teach right from wrong in a way that is age appropriate. Discipline is a form of teaching not  punishing. Childhood is a time when boundaries equals security for the developing child. A family that shares meals, stories and bedtime prayers, will always have a significant closeness. This is my ideal childhood. No child is born to hate, criticize, and to be prejudice. This is learned behavior. How sad to know that so many of us as parents, have missed the mark with our children. Most of us feel  deeply that we've failed our children in some important way. In a way, we have. Due to our own dysfunctional upringing, many of us,  had our own childhood blemished. An important question to ask. How do I help myself to heal and furthermore, How do I make sure that I've healed my child.from any of my transgressions. It's been  my experience that you must have some degree of faith. Praying with your childe is so important and the wholesome desire in your heart to change and follow with a heartfelt apology. Recognizing your mistakes and transgression is huge. Sharing with your child your own childhood and how inspite of your upbringing, you  recognize that your parents gave you all they had even though, what they gave, fell short,or wasn't enough. Recognizing that most parents truly intend to love and grow their children to the best of their learned and taught skills However, teaching to forgive and grow as a family,is crucial. Forgiveness is key in all relationships.   By the grace and love of God, we must choose how we want to be remembered. Insuring that each sequential chapter in our life  is growing and stretching us  to be  a wiser person. Children will always watch how we respond and react to things and this is a quality that stays with the a child into adulthood. How we speak and conduct ourselves is duplicated in our children. Kindness is  the purest form of love. Forgiveness is key.